It’s Spring, and so, as telling of the new season as the first swallow, Gardeners’ World returns. This herald of Spring used to get me fired up for the growing season. Now I look forward to it in a rather masochistic way.
I apologise (though rather insincerely) to any fans of Monty Don, but the Lord of Cord, the Sultan of Smug, does not have us rushing for the loppers to cut our extensive hazel coppice or the hedge trimmers to get cracking on our lengthy hornbeam hedges, or even reaching for a spade to excavate an enormous pond.
No. SomeBeans and I instead engage in that most traditional of TV-watching pastimes. We shout. It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t make the programme any better. It doesn’t make Monty more palatable or relevant or less smug. But in a childish way, it entertains us. Then I tend to nod off until the theme tune over the credits wakes me up.
There is one ray of light. A new presenter, making his presence felt. The brains behind the Longmeadow experience. Nigel.
The brains behind the operation – Nigel the dog, with his hired help
Realising that Monty doesn’t connect with a large number of viewers, Nigel has started to implement a range of editorial changes. Viewers can expect to see the following topics covered over the next few months:
- Plant profiles of dogwoods, dog’s tooth violets and dog roses
- Why catmint is over-rated in today’s gardens
- Pergolas are so last year – this year’s must-have garden accessory is the kennel
- Garden compost – ensuring it is smelly enough to roll in
- Chopping down those bl**dy hedges to provide a lifetime’s supply of sticks for fetching.
If Nigel can get rid of his sidekick, I might start taking a little more notice. Until then, I’ll continue to alternately rant and snore. Don't tell me to stop watching - it has been part of my life for 30 years, and it's always good to have something to moan about.